{DELAYED} Welcome to the people in my life.

Or not. I don’t think I’m quite ready to do this right now; surprisingly, this blog has become far too personal for me to share.

Hi everyone.

If you’re reading this, I’ve finally put the link to thought.cancer up on my Facebook and deviantART. Thanks for coming. Stay a while. Pour through two years worth of backlog.

You heard me.

Let me explain. As we all know, I’ve always felt on the outside, in the sense that I need to express myself in order to not bottle up and go stir-crazy. So, about two years ago, I set myself up this little blog and started writing. My previous experiences with downright honest blogging that you know about hasn’t been… That great, to be quite frank. (Do any of you remember the dramas I had with Swifty, and how we stopped talking all of a sudden? That was why.)

So I just didn’t tell anyone. And this became my personal diary that I wanted someone – anyone – to read. So I just kept pouring and pouring and pouring…

I eventually told a couple of people that I kept this blog. But I also explained to them that I wasn’t going to give them the link simply because there was a chance that I would bitch about them in there, and, even though I love them to bits, it would be pretty scathing.

It was only in the last three months that I finally gave the link to a person I know.. I set a project, similar in vein to projects that were set to me. But things change – and I realise that I shouldn’t be hiding this from people. So that’s why you’re here.

Having said that, there’s some things that I’ve password protected from you all. Although I’ve probably mentioned the contents to some of you at some point, I’d much rather not have everyone read them. It’d be a sense of trust-breaking. That, and there’s some things that I think some people would much rather not find out about other people (ie. things that other people have had to do with me and whatnot).

Well, that concludes my rambling and procrastinations. Thank you again for stopping by, hopefully, everything won’t be so angsty around here on this ol’ blog anymore ^^’

Creative: yet another pretentious piece.. [MP3 & .sib file] (WILL BE)

(If David’s happened to Google in a search for plagiarism and ended up here – Hi, and welcome to my “private” blog! If you’re still not convinced, ask me for my username and password!)

Full title: yet another pretentious piece for you all to smile and marvel at and call, under the pretence of intelligence and classiness, “art”.
Licence: Creative Common
MP3: still to come
.sib: still to come
Words: still to come

This piece, for Composition, was a SCREAMING BITCH – in both ways! It took AGES for me to work out logistics… Ages! Got Christian’s help and assistance in learning the basics of Ableton Live and MIDI Mapping – the man is a brilliant genius!

I’ve got a few ideas for this in terms of performance, in order of difficulty for me to pull off:

• Pre-prepared using VOCALOID and phonemes; exported as a wave (done!)
• Three lines pre-prepared using VOCALOID, one line produces in a text-to-speech program. These are introduced into a Live set, with the lines mapped to computer keyboard, and AUPitch is mapped to a MIDI controller over 4 octaves. This causes the pitch-shift to be mapped 100 cents for every key, which makes up an octave.
• Each line is produced in a text-to-speech program, which again is introduced into a Live set with mapping. Four MIDI controllers need to be run from a PC/Mac to do this.
• Three lines pre-prepared using VOCALOID, one line is spoken live, with a similar set up to before.
• All lines spoken live.

Of course, these different methods would all produce a different sound.. But the concept doesn’t change, which is the whole point. The idea is not in the music itself, but the words. Art for art’s sake, really. Having said that, I didn’t have a concept or ideology to begin with.

I was just pissed off at the composers in a video we watched in Composition – they had these really cool sounding pieces that were a bit weird and experimental. Generally, when you’re listening to something like that, you’re open enough to not need an explanation. But the composers went into all this detailing about their ideas and thoughts and everything…

Only Michael Gordon, in explaining his piece I Buried Paul had a normal explanation. He was inspired by the sounds he heard as a kid – real world stuff. Likewise, Yet Another is just my expression of anger, which turned into this concept that I’m explaining now, thus making me just as pretentious as the rest of them.

In all honesty, the only composer that needs to explain himself at all is John Cage – and that’s because he’s so entrenched in philosophies that do require explaining.. Funny thing about philosophy.

Protected: Yes, people can take the internet far too seriously.

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REPO Cosplay Goodness!

I went walking to Da Costa Arcade today to make a trip to the CD store in there. But then I remembered that, everytime I go in there, I have the ridiculous urge to spend horrible amounts of money on CDs. However, I also remembered that Hangup have some pretty stuff for me to repress the urge to buy.

And there it was. The ULTIMATE collar. Sure, it’s not an exact replica of what I’m after for Amber Sweet, but it still looks pretty damn awesome. AND it has a ring on it.. Ring! So my D&S side is happy, my costuming side is happy, and I’m happy! $40, so I’ll get it today and behave until Wednesday afternoon, after uni.

I’m also planning a trip to DK Fabrics – turns out it’s the same train line I’ll need to catch in a coulple of weeks. Anyway, I’m pleather shopping. STILL haven’t found any in Spotlight or Lincraft Next Monday will probably be when I go pleather shopping – the rest of the week is filled with procrastination and last-minute History essay writing.

Fueling my wig addiction

My job requires me to look relatively normal. Which is a massive downer, because I love multi-coloured, abnormal hair! So I’ve taken to wearing wigs.. And I’m loving it! There so many different stlyes and colours to choose from!

I have a short purple wig that looks awesome on me, and I have a long-ish black wig that I’m buying from Danniele that I’ll get from her next week (for my Amber Sweet cosplay). But I want more… MORE, DAMMIT!

So I went looking on Professional Only, an eBay wig store that I bought my purple wig from… And fell in love with this!

Yup, that’s it! I like the faded colour, it makes it look even more realistic! Just need to get myself sorted out a bit more, and my REPO! Cosplay out the way, then I shall get it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Keeping a track of my life – Blog style!

Okay, so I *don’t* lose my head in the next couple of weeks, thanks to exams, majors and events, here shall be my calendar of calendarish proportions.. Blog style ^_^ Well, that… And I felt plenty guilty about posting so many damn emo entries as of late ^^’ …Inspired, if you will. (Thanks Alastair!!! )

May 31 (Sun)
Capitalistic whoring around the neighbourhood (dropping off Avon catalogues)
Covering Carly for 2 hours.
Crashing at Dad’s because I’m sick and it’s too damn cold to head home late at night.

June 1 (Mon)
Getting drunk – celebrating the return of a friend from overseas!
Heading home early so I don’t sit around Dad’s all day. => so much for early… (types this as she’s sitting on a computer in Barr Smith)
Getting my tickets for performance (see below). => DONE ^___^
Drinking senegar and ammonia.
Capitalistic whoring.

June 2 (Tues)
Finding out why the hell I got remarks on my Bibliography for Assignment Writing despite following the damn style guide Gordon produces!
Attending MIDI Studies.
Working.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 3 (Wed)
Performing my Composition piece – will have a recording done through Live for you all!
Attending Audio Studies.
Attending Aural.
Writing History essay.
Being ill at Dad’s.
Making a doctor’s appointment.
Being ill at the shoebox.

June 4 (Thurs)
Attending History.
Writing History essay.
Attending Forum.
Last minute questioning David for Theory.
Notorious Daughters + Breakable Things from the Bookshelf @ Worldsend.
Attending doctor’s appointment.
Procrastinating on History essay.

June 5 (Fri)
Coming in to practice Keyboard.
Sitting OHSW test (NO MORE OHSW!)
Finishing off & handing in History essay.
Forum Jam
Mass-gelati run?
Working on Audio Studies major.

June 6 (Sat)
Drawing a picture for Drawing Day
Work.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 8 (Mon)
Collecting AVON catalogues.
Forum Jam.
Placing AVON order.

June 9 (Tues)
Work.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 11 (Thurs)
Attending a performance.

June 12 (Fri)
Make-up lesson for Keyboard.
Forum Jam.
Dinner with Mark.

June 13 (Sat)
Work.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 15 (Mon)
Forum Jam.

June 16 (Tues)
Work.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 19 (Fri)
Forum Jam.

June 20 (Sat)
Work.
Crashing at Dad’s.

June 22 (Mon)
Forum Jam.

June 25 (Thur)
Theory exam.
FORUM PERFORMANCE ^______^

July 10 (Fri)
Lost Between the Flying Sheets art exhibition launch @ Nexus
Lost Between the Flying Sheets “afterparty” (lol!!)

July 24 (Fri)
AVCon Launch Night! (cosplaying as ???)

July 25 (Sat)
AVCon @ Adelaide Convention Centre (cosplaying as Phoenix Wright)

July 26 (Sun)
AVCon @ Adelaide Convention Centre (cosplaying as Amber Sweet from REPO! The Genetic Opera)

On my creative mentality.

Lately, I’ve found myself going back to hitting my head on brick walls. I got my MIDI Studies grade back from Luke today. Only got 63%. Which is a pass. Which is pretty good, considering it was only a minor worth 20%. Yet, I find myself beating myself up because I’m not standing up to arbitrary, subjective measures of skill and ability.

Where the hell have I gone, and where in the world am I going? I’m a creator of conceptual music. I narrate, I explore ideas. I know that not everyone is going to get what it is that I do. Even I don’t get what I do at times; I just create. So it’s only natural that I will face criticism for my style.

Musically, I’ve tended towards minimal tracks, and maximum impact. Lately though, I’ve been thinking in terms of ‘big’ and ‘complex’; tracks, sounds and concepts. Maybe it’s a shift?

Iuno. I am very tired, however, and so I really should do some work for Composition. But hey, it’s an entry, at least. Unlike other people I know (:p), I’ve been very slack at this…

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Sometimes, I hate my fucking job… Otherwise known as “Today was an angry day”.

Is it really that hard to get orders right? Is it really that hard to take down a correct phone number AND address? Is it really that hard to move quickly, to get things done? Is it that hard to PUT FUCKING BIN LINERS IN BINS??????????

Perhaps I’ve had a really, really, REALLY angry day. Everyone’s copped it. I feel uberly terrible, actually. I haven’t meant to be such an ogre. But I slept in, and ran for a bus in completely inappropriate shoes. I watched a video in Composition, and realised just how pretentious conceptual pieces are… That I fall into the pretentious category. So I wrote a pretentious prose poem that will become a pretentious serialist piece. It’s going to utilise synthesised vocals pitch-shifted in real-time using a MIDI controller hooked up to my laptop.

Then I’ve just been angry for the rest of the day. So yeah. Today was an angry day.

Splash screen was favourited… One day at a time, however, is all you can ask of yourself.

Not much more to say, really… But, I’m slightly angry I’m working tomorrow night. There’s no way that I’ll be prepared for my Forum presentation Thursday.

I guess it’s all coming apart now. I know I should be doing something more proactive in keeping it together, but what more is there for me to do?